Saturday, December 20, 2008

Out of Order

I don't know why
she doesn't like us.
Jealousy maybe? They
make fun of us but if
only they knew how lucky
they would be to have
what we have. We're
codependant, symbiotic.
Life is easier. I love you.

Out of Order

When you asked me
what I wanted all I
wanted to say was
you. I do get a bit
uncomfortable when
you talk about him
like that but only
because I cannot
imagine anyone
having a connection
such as we do. I felt
a twang of jealousy
when you spoke about
them just because I had
that time planned out
as ours. I think that
maybe you don't
appreciate me as much
as you should. But maybe
not. I love you still.

Out of Order

It is nice to know
that I might be to you
as you are to me. I do
miss you when you go
and I know that you
miss me too. It's
codependence. I love
you to the moon and
back.

Out of Order

I'm so worried about
you. I don't know why
you won't tell me what
happened and I am
afraid to ask. I wish
you would tell me so that
I can help you. I hate
seeing you like this. I love
you too much to see you
cry.

Out of Order

Oh what has
happened to you? It
hurts me so much to
see you so upset when
I don't even know why.
I know that I am no
good at advice but I
wish that there was
more that I could do
for you. I wonder if you
really no idea about
just how wonderful you
are, you have so much
to offer. If your self-
esteem so low that what
I see you cannot. I wish
you wouldn't be hurt by
them, you deserve nothing
but people's best. I love
you.

Out of Order

That night stuck
with you as much
as with me. But your
reluctance to
do it again worries
me. I don't care if it's
weird, it was the best
night of my life. And
as for my what does
that mean? Am I
changing? Is the way
that you look at me
changing? Is our
relationship evolving or
are you simply seeing
further in to me. I knew
what it was. I love you.

Out of Order

You make me so
happy when you say
that you are proud of
me, I hope you know
that. I love it when
we get sentimental, I
wish that we did it more
often. It is true that I
did become a bit jealous
tonight but it was only
because I feel that what
we have is so special. I
don't think that friends
like this come very often.
I feel so lucky that I have
found you, my other half.
I love you.

Thursday, December 18, 2008

Out of Order

Is your self-esteem really that low?
I wish you could see what I
see. You're beautiful, you smell
amazing and you have a figure
to die for. I wish you could
just know what others think
when they see you, you're
gorgeous. You are just the most
divine person inside and out
and it saddens me to think that
you think that I or anyone else
love you any less for the things
that make you, you. I love you.

Out of Order

I love spending time with
you and your family. I really
feel at home there and I
feel appreciated. I really love
the special relationship that
we have, I really do feel like
I'm a half. I hope I spend
most of my summer with you
I don't want to share. You
really do mean the world to
me. I'll love you forever.

Out of Order

Just so you know, I think
that you're amazingly
beautiful, even if you don't.
Seriously, you're freaking
gorgeous. I'm not feeling so
bad about the holidays now. I
think that I will see you in
them. I hope we don't go out
tomorrow, I don't want to
look like a prude but at the
same time I don't really want to
drink. I love you anyway.

Out of Order

I don't know what it is that
you have. Call it zing, X factor
or whatever. It makes you
pop. I mean seriously, you're
awesome. Standing there with your
lollies and your scarf smiling
at me, no one else on the planet
could pull that off. To do what
you do the way you do... it's
no wonder everyone either
loves you, hates you or thinks
you're just plain weird. I, for one
couldn't do without you. I love
you so much.

Out of order

I think if I just take this
one day at a time then
I might be okay. I really
do love it when you say
that I'm pretty, I seldom
hear it from anyone else.
I know you don't want to
go back but I need to see
you and I feel that this is
the easiest way. I want to
touch again. I love you.

Out of order

I sort of miss you
right now, I had a fine
time without you, but
now that I'm home I
want to talk. Really,
I'd rather lie on the
couch with you. I'd
like to see you on
Monday. I love you

Wednesday, November 26, 2008

7/11

Was that really
our first fight. I do not
wish to think so but I
really don't know. It's
good that we made up
and are back to
normal. And you missed
me. I would love to go
back to the couch
some day as I just felt
so close to you, and I
loved it. I love you

6/11

I like that you
know that I have done
my absolute best for
you this year. We have
come such a long way
in our 7 months, I hope
that things only get
better. I cannot
imagine replicating our
relationship. You're my
other half. I love you.

28

There is a slightly
different dynamic
between us now, we're
a bit more physical.
You seem to be doing
your best to hide it,
but it's there. What I
loved most was the
way I felt totally at
ease. You're going to
be brilliant, I know it. I
love you so much.

27

lying with you on the
couch. Your head
under mine, breathing
on my neck, whispering
in my ear. You have
one arm across me,
squeezing my shoulder
or playing with my hair.
Your leg is across me,
slotting between mine.
I am on my back,
sandwiched between
you and the couch. I
have one arm folded
across my body and
the other is on your
waist. You sometimes
rest your hand on
mine or play with my
fingers. Our
heartbeats are in sync
and so is our
breathing. I feel your
eyelashes on my
cheek when you blink.
We don't want to
move and I never want
to let you go. We even
start to think
together. I've never
felt this close to
another person and
I don't want the
moment to end. At night
we shift around, but
we're always touching. I
just want to hold on
forever. I love you more.

26

Wow. Lying with you
tonight was just so
good, I never wanted to
move again. I love you.

25

That was one of the
best moments of my life.
I was just so beautiful.
I think you're so
beautiful and I just
wish you thought the
same, or at least didn't
hate what you see. I
love you so much right
now. I am so happy
being with you. I love
you.

24

I'm so sorry I wasn't
better for you today, I
should have said
something. I hope
you're okay. This
weekend will be fun,
and I work so much
better with you
anyway. You love me
despite my flaws and I
and blind to yours. We
are a perfect fit. I
love you

23

Thankyou for all of
your help, it does
make it all so much
easier. The card I got
today was so true for
us. We don't have to
speak, you just being
with me is enough to
make me happy. I don't
know what I would do if
you left me. I love you.

22

I too feel happier
when you're around, I'm
happy just knowing that
I am good for you. You
say that I am a people
person, but I cannot see
who my people are, if
they are even
there. I wonder if you
know how much I love
you. I hope you know
that you're my person.
I love you.

21

I hate it when you
start to stress like
this, I just don't know
what to do. And you're
right, I do need you. of
course I need you, I
have so much
invested in you that to
lose you would be the
end of me. I love you

20

I'm so lucky to have
you. You're so beautiful
and you make me so
happy. Love you

19

Today left no
ambiguity. I am your
best friend. I know it's
petty but I now feel
less threatened by
her. It's sometimes
frightening how similar
we are, curiosity is a
weakness for us both.
You are my absolute
best friend. I love you.

18

Only a year left with
you, it hardly seems
enough. I'm going to
miss you so much
when you're not at
school. It actually
makes the tears begin
to form when I think
about it. It's bad enough
when I don't talk to you
for one night. I don't
know what I'll do. I love
you

17

I'm not sure if you
realise that when it
comes to you, I over
empathise. I feel your
pain and joy so much. I
hope that you know that
the train stuff was
crap, and that I stayed
for you. I hate it when
you're upset, it hurts
me so much to see
you in tears. I love you

16

I don't think I like you
being out there. I don't
know why it bothers me,
but it does. I think I
should like a hug
tomorrow. I love you.

15

One more day of this
madness, then we can
go back to old times. I
wonder if it will ever
be the same again with
them, I know that I
don't need them but I
think it is unwise for
me to alienate
myself. Please don't
make me choose a
side, I love you too
much

14

I'm glad you missed me
too this weekend. I'm
not sure what point
you're trying to make
with the alcohol but I'll
let that slide for now. I
hope we never break,
life without you would
be so dull. I love you.

13

I missed you today. I
wish you wouldn't do
this to yourself, I must
find some way to help
both of us through the
next few weeks. I can't
wait for cup weekend. I
love you.

12

Don't wear yourself
out, and please just
let me help where I
can. Let's just get
through these next
few weeks. Your face
is so expressive and
wonderful and your
mastery of social
situations is amazing
an only adds to your
allure. I love you.

11

That was unbelievable!
You're easily the most
congenious person I've
met. I can't wait to see
what comes next. I
love you

10

I would love to be able
to get inside your
head for a day. I could
see your observations
and true opinions. I
want to know what you
have to say about me.
I love you

Friday, October 31, 2008

9

Your past is still such a
mystery to me. There is
just so much I don't
know. But I want to find
out, I really do. I love
you.

8

I've learnt so much
about myself with you.
I now know who I am
and what my faults
are because of you.
The best part is that
even though you know
me better than
anyone, you love me.
For that and so much
more, I love you too.

7

Being told that you're
loved really is the best
feeling. It's weird to be
so important in
another's life, but I like
it. I love you.

6

It's strange watching
you with other people,
you put on this facade.
I'm sure there is none
between us, I trust you
so completely. I love
you.

5

I love the compliments
you give me, they
really do put me on a
cloud. I think that
between us we have a
staggering number of
parallels, and our
differences
complement rather
than cause conflict. I
love you

4

You would miss me if I
left you, but I would
never leave you. I
cannot imagine my
future without you. I
love you.

3

The more I think about
it, the less I want you
to go next year. It's
bad enough when
you're sick for a day,
but only seeing you
three days per week?
I don't know what I'll
do. I love you.

2

Tomorrow will be a good
day. You are my star. I
would not hesitate to
live with you, and she
set me a place? I am
youched. I love you.

1

I can't wait to see you
tomorrow. And today!
Your caring and
sympathy really were
so touching. I love you.

Friday, October 17, 2008

out of order

I hope I wasn't
too forward
tonight,
sometimes I just
can't help it. I
wonder if I'm
jealous. I suppose
I can get
possessive but
it's only because I
love you. I think
that I'm your
confidante and
your number one,
but until the
three of us are
together then I
won't know for
sure, there will
still be the
question of her. I
think that I've
shown you that I
love you. I hope
so because I
really do.

25th S

I worry that
tomorrow is
going to be awful
for you. I'll have
to be so gentle
with you. I hope
that my company
won't drain you,
that's the last
thing I want.
Even so, I can't
wait to see you. I
know that I'm
being purely
selfish but I've
missed you. I love
you.

out of order

You should see
me, I'm smiling
like it's nobody's
business. I feared
for the worst
this afternoon.
But yet again you
pull through and
do the simplest,
yet sweetest
thing. I love you
so much. I wish I
could just hug
you right now, or
we could lean, I
love that. I can't
wait to see you. I
love and miss
you.

4th O

I just cannot
thank you enough
for the past few
days. I don't
know anyone else
who would listen
and actually
come and help
and bring lunch
and stay with me.
It is so much
easier knowing
that you're with
me. I love you.

out of order

Thankyou for
being there for
me. You really
are the sweetest
person and the
best friend I
could ask for. I
love you.

1st O

I'm really lonely.
In a way, being
with you has
alienated me
from them. This
is fine, but I need
company. I miss
people even if I
don't form deep
connections. I
want to see you
tomorrow or
Friday. I miss you.
I love you.

29th

I know I've
missed three
nights, but I've
spent them with
you. I've had a
great time, your
family are
wonderful and so
welcoming. I
really felt at
home. I loved the
way you joked
about me moving
in and how you
said that it's
going to be weird
without me. I
have to say,
living with you
gave me the
opportunity to
see how beautiful
you are in the
most unflattering
situations. My
attachment to
you goes beyond
friendship. I have
a dependency on
you that I haven't
had before. It's
funny, but I miss
you. I can't wait
to see you again.
I love you.

23rd S

I actually might
explode if I don't
see you soon. I
miss you, but it's
a different kind
of missing from
when you went
away. I just want
to get back to
you. I'm glad you
liked the pen. I
love you.

20th S

I hope you're
alright. I know
that if I were
in the city I'd
practically be
living with you,
maybe that's why
you say you miss
me so much. I
love you.

out of order

I miss you, It just
irritates me that
we can't be
together. I can't
wait to see you.
Our next hug is
what I'm looking
forward to
most, just sitting
together or
leaning. I love
you.

22nd S

Tonight was nice.
We're both good
at subtle
compliments
which ends up
making us both
feel a bit better.
I can't wait until
you get the pen
or until Friday! I
love you so so
much.

Thursday, September 18, 2008

The Twenty Ninth

I love you so
much. I want you
to recover as
quickly as you
can. I hate it
when you're sick,
you don't tell me
what's going on
so I constantly
worry. I love you

The Twenty Eighth

I hope that
wasn't directed
at me. I don't
think it is
because I think
you know me
better than that.
I can't wait to
spend a whole
day with you. I
miss you. I love
you.

The Twenty Seventh

I can't wait to
see you, its only
been a few days
but I am so
utterly
dependent on
you. I wouldn't
have it any other
way. I love you.

The Twenty Sixth

I hope tonight
wasn't too
terrible for you.
I've come to
accept that you
are my muse. You
inspire me
everyday and I
cannot seem
to create without
you. You're so
beautiful. I love
you.

The Twenty Fifth

I'm glad that things
are okay, I really
was worried. And
you said that I am
the most
intelligent person
you know, that
means so much.
To think that I am
your relief from the
world. Also, you
looked beautiful
last night, I
honestly believe that
you were the most
beautiful girl in the
room, in most rooms
I can't bear to think that
you think you are ugly.
I want you to know that I
love you to pieces.
You are the best, most
beautiful thing in my
life. I love you.

The Twenty Fourth

I was right about the
learning. I don't know
what to do. You
probably see my
introversion as a
character flaw, I just
hope that this doesn't
affect us. I don't know
what I would do without
you. I missed you
tonight. I love you.

The Twenty Third

Mistaken for sisters?
What a compliment! He
said that we looked and
acted the same and were
just so comfortable
together. It's nice to
think that others are able
to see a glimpse of what
we have. You really are
amazing. I can't wait. I
love you.

The Twenty Second

I think you're learning
about me. What scares
me is that I'm learning
with you. You open my
eyes to so many things
and you see in me
things to which I am blind
to. I am so lucky to
have you and I can't
imagine a life without
you. You are everything
to me. I love you.

The Twenty First

You really think I'm
talented? Coming from
you, this means a lot. i
hope you don't think
I'm a total psycho. I
hope that this phase
only serves to deepen
our understanding of
each other. I wonder if
you know just how
highly I regard you. I
love you so.

The Twentieth

I'm sorry about
tonight. I don't get why
you talk to her about
me. I need more of that
kind of encouragement. I
hate to think of what
you think of me now. I
must seem like a
neurotic mess with no
trust. Know that I do
my best. I love you.

The Nineteenth

Feeling down, taking
about death? I hope
this isn't the drugs
talking. I must do
something for you
tomorrow. I love you. I
don't know what I
would do without you.

The Eighteenth

I did have fun. I hope
you are okay. It's a bit
stupid but I'm worried
about our story. What will
happen without our base?
I want you to be okay. I
must do something nice
for you on Monday.

The Seventeenth

Tonight was great. The
compliments were
flowing as was the
general conversation.
And you think I smell
nice. On top of this we're
going to Goldfrapp! I
love you so so much!

The Sixteenth

I need you

The Fifteenth

Are you sick, angry,
frustrated? Is it me or
the drugs? I wish you
would tell me what you
think. I'm worried
about you. I love you.

The Fourteenth

Are you mad? I don't
define you by your
illness and I only ask
because I care.
Instead I define you by
all that I've written
here before:
intelligence, beauty,
humour, kindness,
humility, generosity
and the way you treat
me. To me, you're
not sick.

The Thirteenth

What do I do if you
aren't okay? I fear
that it may happen
one day and I won't be
able to help you. I
need to be able to
help you because I
love you so much.

The Twelfth

I'm so so so
worried! Drugs that
make you dizzy? And
worse, drugs that could
make you euphoric or
suicidal!? Your heart
gives you so much
trouble and yet you
worry about me!? I
really think that you
care more than
anyone else ever has. I
love you more than life

The Eleventh

You go through so
much more than most
but you rarely
complain. I really like it
how they think we
come as a pair. You
are my ideal person,
and the things you say
make me so much
happier. you really do
light up my world and
it's not happy without
you.

The Tenth

I like your hair. It's
really soft and it
smells like shampoo.

The Ninth

I've lost your pencil,
I'm sorry. I miss
you. I'll see you tonight.

The Eighth

I miss you when its
been less than an
hour. Being with you is
the best part of my
day. And when you
quote me like that,
it's amazing. I hope you
know just how
important you are to
me. I go to school to
see you, the others are
substitutes. I love you
so much.

The Seventh

Psychic sister, gem,
great friend, best friend,
gorgeous, anomaly.
You're the best I could
ask for. Thankyou so
much for being you. I
love having you in my
life, you pull it
together and make it
so much brighter. I
love you.

The Sixth

You're doing so well,
just a bit longer. You
give the nicest
compliments and can
make me feel all bright
and shiny. I hope that
I'm half as good for
you as you are for me.
I love you.

The Fifth

You were worried
about me? I'm so
flattered! But what
about you? I know that
you're still not well.
You looked beautiful in
that dress. Your waist,
arm, hips, everything.
You are exquisite. I
hope you know that I
love you.

The Fourth

Being plain, I miss you. I
just want you to be well
and to be here with me.
You carry my day and
it's miserable without
you.

The Third

I'm really really worried
about you. I know you
would feel guilty for
keeping me up at night
but what else can I do?
You're my everything.

The Second

I'm proud of you, there
doesn't seem to be
anything you can't do. I
look up to you more
than anyone, you few
flaws only make you
more perfect.

The First

I really do worry about
you. If you're not well
then please, just say
so. I just want to help
you feel better.

The Aim

The *new* aim of this blog is for me to get out some things. I have a best friend who means the world to me. When we meet new people they often think that we're sisters because of the way we interact, even though we look nothing alike. Sometimes I have these overwhelming thoughts about her so I write them down in the Notes section of my phone as the last thing I do before I go to sleep. It helps me, so here they are.